WAIT

I could hear the wind. My brain was still pondering over the very memories I was dying to forget. Sometimes it comes to a standstill. My mind would go blank. The wind and the voices in my head would stop whispering. Then I'd hear the silence. The silence that reminded me of how alone I really was. The whole world was sleeping and I just laid there, waiting for my tired body to give in. Waiting for some sleep.

Pain makes sense. It always had a reason. And it motivates us to try and change things. But insomnia is strange. I am tired and all I want is to sleep. My eyelids were so heavy but my thoughts still outweighed them. Sleep was beautiful. There would be no more pain, and there would be dreams, instead of thoughts. The worst of nightmares would be better than my current reality. It is how we could experience death while we breathed.

The worst part of not being able to sleep is that you can’t wake up. You are always walking that fine line between being awake and asleep. I have started to hate the person I see in the mirror every day. Broken, tired and lost. Fooling the world everyday with his faked smile, using instagram stories to hide his real one.

I waited for a blackout. I get one every two days for a couple of hours. That has now become my sleep. I waited my brain to take over the tired body and disturbed mind. I waited for my temporary death. And I waited for my resurrection.