The few moments just before I sleep is when my mind is the most awake. I let my thoughts wander free. The brain has a funny mechanism of orchestrating a chain of thoughts that terminate in the one place it wants to be. Every thought I brew would eventually end in the same destination. My blood was devoid of all my chemical refuges of reality but I was in a trance.
This time I was not looking for something to drag me out of my self-dug pit of depression but it found me. And it proved to be everything I ever needed and more. Something I even placed above my precious ego. Someone I would fight for, but never against.
She wanted me to fight. At every step there was teasing, taunting, provocation.
Fighting was in my blood. My grandmother used to tell me that it was a warrior’s dharma. The eternal and inherent nature of this reality which dictated the cosmic law underlying one’s right behavior and social order. But this time my fight was different. My struggle is to resist taunts, to let her win, because I needed one person I didn’t have to fight. I didn’t wanna pretend to be someone better. I wanted to be better. And for that she had to win. I am tired of faking, pretending to be perfect and manipulating people I wanted to like me. I needed someone to see through my masks. Someone I wanted to be more important than my selfish self.
That is our fight. She taunts me to fight, I resist. It’s a fight in a whole different dimension. It is not just a fight. It’s foreplay ;)
This time I was not looking for something to drag me out of my self-dug pit of depression but it found me. And it proved to be everything I ever needed and more. Something I even placed above my precious ego. Someone I would fight for, but never against.
She wanted me to fight. At every step there was teasing, taunting, provocation.
Fighting was in my blood. My grandmother used to tell me that it was a warrior’s dharma. The eternal and inherent nature of this reality which dictated the cosmic law underlying one’s right behavior and social order. But this time my fight was different. My struggle is to resist taunts, to let her win, because I needed one person I didn’t have to fight. I didn’t wanna pretend to be someone better. I wanted to be better. And for that she had to win. I am tired of faking, pretending to be perfect and manipulating people I wanted to like me. I needed someone to see through my masks. Someone I wanted to be more important than my selfish self.
That is our fight. She taunts me to fight, I resist. It’s a fight in a whole different dimension. It is not just a fight. It’s foreplay ;)
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