"It's okay". I kept telling myself. I didn't know who I was trying to convince. Whatever this is, was really far from okay. And the worst part was, it was not like me. I don't get possessive, I don't get frustrated, I don't get this far off from shanti. The very fact that I'm using the word far so much meant that I was bothered by the distance between us. Now I'm analysing myself. I have to snap out.
The bucket was almost full of water. I glanced at the bathroom door one last time, making sure it was locked. I got down on my knee. My shirtless body had goosebumps everywhere. It was cold. My hands grip the rim of the bucket tightly.. Water was oscillating, and touching my fingers, like small waves. Waves. The Ocean. Beach. My girl. My mind wandered off to where and with whom it longed to be. I couldn't let that happen.
Deep breath. The cold water hit my face, making its way into my nose, ears, stinging my eyes a little.
I scream. Vent. Let it all out as a million bubbles underwater, that kissed my cheeks as they moved to the top, bursting, releasing my anger, frustration, and grief.
Drying up, I couldn't focus on anything but how cold it was. I sit down, cross legged. I shut my eyes. I was breathing fast. I slowed it down. I started hearing my heart. It started to slow down too. I was back. Back to my ground state, back to shanti, back to my sattvik self.
You are just magic
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